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Episode #19 Transcript
The Happy Wanderer
Captioned by HBO Communications Center,
©1999 Home Box Office,
a division of Time Warner Entertainment Company, L.P.
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so fuhgeddaboutit!
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Yeah. I heard tony was here. Soprano. I'm a friend of his. Do I know you? Yeah, you know me. I own "ramsey sport and outdoor". Doc. And you, sir. Davie. What the hell you doing here? Hey, I was just driving by, I thought I'd stop and say hello. Some place you got here. Yeah, regular taj mahal. So, have you heard the kids, not bad? Bad enough carmela dragged me to that play. If I never hear that song again, it'll be too soon. The only area eric's light in is the arts. This performance stuff's gonna put him over the goal line. Most schools he's applying to. So, what's the game? 7 card. Was that frank sinatra jr. In there? Yeah. He's a friend of my uncle'S. He flies in. Wow, this really is an executive game. So, what do you think? There's a resemblance. No, no, no, I mean the game. You think I can take these guys or what? Davie. This isn't a game for you. Oh, c'mon. What are the chances of me getting close to a game like this again? C'mon, anthony, let me sit in just once. I don't do business with outside friends, you understand. Hey, do I have to show your high school prom picture to these guys? All kidding aside, I appreciate your position, but c'mon, tony, i'm a big boy. What are you holding? I didn't really expect to gamble tonight. You need five g's just to sit in this game. Oh, c'mon, can't you float me? You know, short term. Davie, don't say short if you don't mean short. All kidding aside. You understand what i'm sayin' to you? Yeah, of course. Hey, you don't have to explain business to me. I got no business in this game. $800. Christopher. Say hello to davie scatino. How you doing? Give him five boxes of ziti. Good luck. Okay, fella's, make room. New blood coming in. (Snoring) so, there's a lot of money in sporting goods, huh. Yeah, frank, but I tell you, you know, nike has its stores, the nba has its own stores. It cuts in. It's just temporary though. I got some ideas for next year. Hey, davie, ask the doc what his specialty is. Hard ons. I wanted him to ask. Really? Penile implants. Hey, doc. Please, I've heard all the jokes. Pot's right. Sixth street, here we come. No help. Mysteries abound. Shut the fuck up and deal, will you. Nine of spades, thank you. Six clubs. Get a broom and sweep up some of that shit over there, especially under silvio, alright? Pair of kings. What's the bet? $800. What the fuck could you possibly have? Incredible luck. You're telling me, you miserable fuck. Bet or check. Don't rush me, sunshine. You've been rushing me all fucking night! He didn't study this hard in school. John, please, the bet's not to you. Good. Dealer controls the game. Thank you. Do you fucking mind? Jesus, do you ever shut the fuck up? And blow that fucking smoke somewhere else! What the fuck are you doing?! Sil, take it easy. I'm losing my balls over here! This fucking moron's playing hazel. Get the fuck out of here! I was just trying to sweep the cheese away-- why? Why now? Leave it there. I don't know, I was just-- what? Where do you get these fuckin' idiots, huh? Where do you get them? He's sweeping the cheese, I'm trying to get-- leave the fucking cheese there, alright! I love fucking cheese at my feet! I stick motherfuckin' provolone in my socks at night, so they smell like your sister's crotch in the morning. Alright? So, leave the fucking cock sucking cheese where it is! Here, here, here. Go ahead. Have a good time. $800. Call. Hey, why don't you go fix a fucking dick or whatever the fuck it is you do. Hey, dr. Fried, you know about that viagra shit? He won't quit, this fucking guy. Go ahead. I heard they were sinking a crate of it down to the titanic to try and raise it. Very good, very good. Alright, down and dirty. Last card, automatic $1200 bump. Kings rule the realm. Kings talk. Check. Door's wide dr. Fried. Check. David. He checks. Bet $1200. I'm gonna call. Because you ain't got dick. Can I steal this fucking hand? I think I can. I'll raise 12. See, you should have checked. You got shit. Now it's gonna cost you another bet. Call 'em. Oh, fuck. Let's see 'em, boys. Trips. Three deuces. Cry me a river. Three beautiful kings. Flush. You motherfucker. You slow rolled me. What the fuck were you doing in that hand? His money's good. He wants to sail, it's his business. Fuck you too. I should have stayed with my goomah tonight. Hey, cheese fuck, get me some food. |
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(Horn) I'm so pissed. Good morning. Hunter just called me and told me rachel weiss got an early acceptance to wesleyan. And you didn't expect it? No. Think about it. Did you ever see her mom? Please, I'm blacker than her mother. Well. Should have mentioned that on your application. |
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T. T. What time is it? It's almost nine. How we doing? Slowing down. Alright, see if they want to close the lights. Thanks. Anybody want more coffee? Yeah, please, tony. Put a little buca in it for me, would you? Anyone want to close the lights? Is that a game? He's a pisser, this kid, is it a game? Closing the lights means-- it means, do you want to admit that you lost and pack it in. Me? No. Alright, cut please. Here you go. Thank you, francis. Coming out. To sil, to the doctor, how about a winner this time? How much is he into us for? About 45 boxes of ziti. What? He grabbed another ten while you were asleep. He said you okayed it. (Knocking) go get that. Look at this fuckin' line up. Ho, johnny sack. Must of had free tokens at the tunnel. How'd you expect to make a dime with this fuckin' stone waller. How did you get in here? Same as you. Through the front door. Hi, rich. Hi, rich? (Tony) you want some lox. I got some nice, fresh lox. You got some fucking balls, you know that? What'd I do? I should stab you in the fucking eye. Hey, c'mon, rich. Get your hand off of me. I'll put one in your head. Hey, don't fucking threaten me, richie. Don't threaten you? I got a hard on for you already. Give me a reason. Don't let me fucking embarrass you. Outside now, I want to talk! Christopher, get everybody a drink, I'll be right back. That's it, cash me out. No, c'mon, frank, doc. Sit down. You know, it's a misunderstanding, right, richie? No, no, tony, I'm wiped. I'll settle up with you next game. Give my regards to your uncle. Let me get you a little breakfast, c'mon. Nah, no really. I got tickets for the rueles-harris fight tonight. Oh, yeah. Matt, thanks a lot. Here's one for your pal. Cash me out, will ya, sunshine? Thank you, mr. Sinatra, jr., Sir. |
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I shut him the fuck down. He comes here and he sticks it up my ass! What's that got to do with you disrespecting my game? Like you wouldn't do anything different? You're fucking right. You know, tony, I'm getting sick of this "holier than thou" act. And I'm not the only one. Oh, really. If anybody wants to make a move... C'mon, tony. Don't get so fucking dramatic. All I'm saying is sometimes you act like you're in a different business. Now, send that little prick out, so I can talk to him. No. Do you realize this motherless fuck is into me for over eight large? He's got money to play here. Let him pay me my money. Send him out. You go home, richie. This ain't gonna happen to one of my players. |
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Everything alright? He was pissed. I'm gonna let you sleep one day. Then you're gonna get the fuck up and you're gonna go get my $45,000. Hey, no problem. Jesus, how about the luck on that silvio, huh? Why don't you shut the fuck up? I could use a schvitz. You want to go for a schvitz? If after one day, you don't give me every penny, I'm gonna send somebody down to your joint every saturday for five percent interest. If you don't have it, it gets tacked onto the principle. Do you understand? Listen, tony, I had a good run there for a while. I should have quit then though, huh. So, you never told me how your kid made out at bowden. How my what? How your daughter made out at bowden. Would you like anything else? No. Tony, did I do something to insult you? Two days.
How'd we do? Not finished countin', but it's up there. At least 80 boxes of zitis after expenses. (Silvio) two boxes came out of my pocket. Fellas. Salut. Salut. Salut. You fucking believe it? We now run the executive game. Oh, yeah. Sil, you remember when me and you used to look through that crack in that painted door while my old man and uncle junior had it? Yeah, I remember. Junior was a fucking prick even then. He'd come out and he'd chase us down the street. Executive game. |
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(Meadow) you are sunlight... (Singing) ... Been blessed you and I you are here like a-- (knocking) do you mind? God. Trying to get some sleep, I've been working all night. How you doing, eric? Pretty good. Sounds good. Thanks. Are you awake now? Yeah. Good. Close the door. Hey. Where's your mother? The store. Oh, aunt barb called. Uncle tom's father died. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Tom sr.? When? I don't know. What the hell happened? I don't know. The guy's here almost every christmas eve, you don't ask? Somebody says joe blow died, normal people ask, "how? What happened?" Jesus. |
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This gust of wind comes, knocks him off the roof. Off a satellite dish. That's very sad. Yeah. How old? 65. Guy works his whole life, takes care of his family, does the right thing. One day after he retires. One day. It's freaky. Carlos casteneda said, "live every moment as if it were your last dance on earth." Who the fuck listens to prize fighters? Ali, maybe. He had a little wisdom. Well, at least tom sr. Isn't the happy wanderer anymore. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? He got his. You don't have to pummel his ass. He's joined the ranks of the unlucky. Maybe you know what you're talking about, but I don't. Found out I had another uncle. A retarded uncle. My father's brother that nobody told me about. You believe this shit. Was he seriously developed mentally disabled? Serious, no, he had everybody in stitches back then. Now, that you found out that you have a retarded family member, do you feel better about coming here? What? Is it permissible now? Is it enough of a sad tragedy that you can join the rest of the douche bags? |
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I was just talking to him a couple days ago. Yes, he was a wonderful man. We're here for you, barbara. (Crying) va f'ancula tu. You knew we were bound to see them at some function. Just relax. Oh. Fuckin' betty davis back there. No scenes. Oh. C'mon, get up, we're leaving. Thank you, god. I will fucking kill you! We paid our respects, now, we're leaving. This may come as a surprise to you, but these people are not here to see the sopranos kill each other. Now, show respect for tom's father, will you please? Hi, carm. Hi, richie. Do I give the boost to your sister? C'mon, I gotta give mine too. How you doing? I'm sorry. Appreciate it. How many rooms this place got? It's a big joint. Pretty good racket. I don't think you can smoke in here. Who's gonna complain, huh? Him? Hey. You mind? He don't mind. Listen, anthony, i'm sorry about blowing up in your game. You were out of line. What am I supposed to do with you? What? Back off and respect the title, you fucking jerk off. It's your ball. You make the rules. No, no. I don't make 'em, they've always been there. Now, you get this. David scatino doesn't pay you a fuckin' penny until I get mine first. That's the tax you get for raising your hands in my game. I get mine first, then you get yours. That's the way it's gonna be. I don't do something, how's it gonna look?
If everyone could please take their seats, we are about to begin. In the name of the father and of the son and of the holy ghost, amen. Since it is pleased all mighty god to call back our brother from this life to himself, we commit his body to the earth, that it may return to that from which it was made. Christ was the first to rise from the dead... I'm just saying, I don't think you should take any shit from him. I heard you the first time. Let's drop the subject. Alright. |
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Tony put me back in action. He gave me 50 g's to put on the street. What is that, nothing? Please, I know how things work. Don't forget, I was daddy's little girl. What the fuck are you talking about? You're his responsibility. He didn't do you any favor. When my father was in tony's position, he gave romeo martin $50,000 when he got out of jail. I'm talking about 30 years ago. 30 years ago. Today, that's half a million dollars. $50,000, hmm... Mailmen make more than that. |
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So, what's this fucking doctor's appointment you had all of a sudden when my friend comes to see you, huh. What do you think? I'm still the kid on the school bus. Please, tony, I'm doing my best here. I fucked up, okay. I'm gonna make it all work out somehow, I swear. What do you got for me? I'm tapped. Stand up. Why? 'Cause I just said so. Get up. Get up or I'm gonna rip your fucking head off. Get up. C'mon. I'm sorry, tony, I wouldn't do anything to insult you. Our kids go to the same school together. Ah! Tony, I'm sorry, i'm sorry, I'm just having some bad luck! Yeah, it just got worse. I'm gonna come back. My luck's gonna change. Tomorrow. I want something tomorrow, you understand me? |
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(Crying) whoa, david. Hey. Where's the wife? She's home. Can I talk to you? You alright? Sit down. Sit down. Talk to me. I got myself in a little bind. Jesus, I feel ashamed. What's going on? What happened? I'm in a jam, artie, a bad one. This could cost me big, my marriage, my business. Alright, alright, relax. I'm sure there's something we can do. What kind of jam? Oh, jeez, you didn't knock up that tae-bo broad you had working, did you? God, no, artie. Talk to me, I'm your friend. I need money. Money, artie. Not much, just... I swear on my kid, I'll get it back to you before you even miss it. How much money we talkin'? Not much, just enough... To give me some breathing room till I can get the rest together. It's $20,000. Davie. Shit. Bad timing. Man. You're not gonna believe this. I got to put a new roof on this place. God forgive me for sayin' this, but did you consider chapter 11? I don't think tony soprano's gonna buy that. Tony. Oh, jeez, davie. |
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Jesus christ. Eric, give me your keys. Why? There's mud all over the tires. (Female) dave, what's wrong? Say good-bye to your truck. (Eric) what? (Female) dave. This is bull shit. Eric, eric, get back in the house. I warned you. No off-roading, I gave you enough chances. Dave, this is not the place. Dad, I didn't do anything. Eric, accountability is everything. Off-roading! I drove it onto the field at school to bring some girls to cheerleading practice. There's mud all over the doors! I warned you and warned you, eric. I didn't do anything! I didn't do anything, mom. Eric, get in the house! I fucking hate all of you! You apologize right now. Jesus. |
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'em. I knew it was a car. It's a sports utility vehicle. You like it? This is eric's jeep. Oh, my god. Is this eric scatino's jeep? Yeah, but it's yours now. His dad sold it to you? Yeah, you know. Something like that. What do you mean, something like that? You know. Jesus, tony. She don't want it, fine! Don't take it! But I'll eat it before I give it back. What am I sucker? What does eric have to do with his asshole father? He didn't do anything to you. The guy owned me money and he did the right thing. He offered that car up as partial payment. Yeah, right. You see this. You see, this is you talking. I just hope you know his wife is very close to the brother-in-law of a provost at georgetown. The who? Oh, great. Go ahead, you want to act "holier than thou"? You go right ahead, but I'm not giving it back. I'm gonna take that car and sell it to pussy and I'm gonna buy clothes and food and shoes and cd players and all the rest of the shit that i've been buying since the day you were born. Everything this family has comes from the work I do. Alright, tony, that's enough. A grown man made a wager. He lost. He made another one. He lost again. End of story. So, take that high moral ground and go sleep in the fucking bus station if you want! |
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Oh, jesus. Where? A few rows back. Tony... Almost didn't make it. Where's janice? Didn't I see those at the wake the other day? That's funny. They're behind. I'll see you after the show. Just keep thinking meadow.
Eric, c'mon, let's talk. You're gonna leave me here. I thought you were my friend. I am. I can't stop my dad from selling it. Yeah, well, your dad's a fucking asshole. You know that? He's a real low life fucking asshole! And I suppose yours is innocent in all this. For your information, he gave it to my dad. It's not like my dad stole it! You know what, meadow? Fuck you, fuck your gangster father and fuck this! (Door slamming) |
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(male announcer) welcome, everyone, to verbum dei high school's cabaret night. As we are recording tonight's performance, we'd like to remind everyone, please, no talking, no pictures or videotaping. And please remember to turn off those pagers and cell phones. If you're worried about coughing and feel a nice lozenge might help, may we suggest that now would be the time to unwrap it as opposed to during the performance. (Laughing) a program note: In the second act, "sun and moon" to performed by eric scatino and meadow soprano has been canceled. Regretfully, mr. Scatino will not be performing tonight. Instead miss soprano will perform a solo singing, "my heart will go on", the theme song from "titanic". Enjoy the show.
Well, that's a lucky break. I wonder what happened. (Applause)
(singing) I love to go a wandering along the mountain trail and as I go, I love to sing my knapsack on my back valerie, valerie... My knapsack on my back I love to wander by the school that dances in the sun so joyously it calls to me come join my happy song valerie, valerie... |
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