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Episode #26 Transcript
Funhouse
Captioned by HBO Communications Center,
©1999 Home Box Office,
a division of Time Warner Entertainment Company, L.P.
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Images are not thumbnails,
so fuhgeddaboutit!
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(pussy's voice) hey, ton'. How's it going? You didn't get sick? Nah. How much you weigh? Eight pounds. Lost a lot of weight. Swimming. The best exercise. Works every muscle group. Get the fuck out of here. You never exercised once in your life. Anyway, four dollars a pound. You know i've been working with the government right, ton'? Don't say it. C'mon, ton'. Sooner or later you gotta face facts. I don't want to hear it. Well, you're gonna hear it. Fuck. You passed me over for promotion, ton', you knew. How much shit you give them? A lot. Jesus, puss. Fuck of a way for it all to end, huh? Yeah. Yeah. These guys, on either side of me, they're asleep. Don't say that. It's not fucking funny. I don't want to see you floppin' around down there!
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No way, Tony. Get your ass back in bed. Cramps are gone, I got to go out. Help me with this. Tony, you are out of your mind. I brought you some consomme. I wasn't even sure you could handle that. God help you, Tony, if your head is in that bowl for graduation because I sure as hell won't. |
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(Knocking) Tony. Hi, ang, how you doing? Good, good, how are you? Oh, madonn', my poor ass. Is the man at home? Yeah, come in, he's still sleeping. I'll go get him. Give me a minute, ang! Hey, Tony, how you feeling? Better. Good, you look better. I mean-- than I thought you would. Artie called. Hopalong che-se-dic', how you doing? Can't complain. You want some coffee? You in the neighborhood? No, no, I got a call about a boat, a sea ray 50. I want you guy's opinion on it. What, now? The owner's got two offers. I gotta decide this morning. Cuban guy. Oh, yeah. Okay. Just throw some clothes on. C'mon. Okay. Oh, jesus. Round 12. You know, I could use that cup of coffee. Yeah, right. We don't need to see this. I promised gab i'd pick up 10 bags of the garden mulch from home depot before I did anything this morning. See? And you're sitting there, shame on you. How long is he taking up there? I'm looking forward to the graduation party. So, who's ready to go buy a boat? |
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Might as well tell you now. I bought the most beautiful boat today. Cool. The 50 footer? The very same. I might as well tell you. I decided on columbia. Oh!
You want? It's a little early in the day, no? Sea legs. Yeah, what the fuck. You sure you want to go out today, t.? Just getting over the trots. Time and tide wait for no man, right? It's got a decent displacement for its size. Mill puts out about 700 horsepower. Beautiful boat, Tony. I've been waiting 40 minutes. The cuban had to go see the harbor master, but we're free to give it a spin. C'mon, puss. Rides nice. Let's go down below, check out the mahogany. C'mon. Take a seat, puss. Should we test-drop the anchor, see how she holds? Later. Yeah, right. Why you making me do this, you fat, fucking, miserable piece of shit? What, Tony, what? When did they flip you? Tell me, don't lie. Flip? Who? What?
(Frank Sinatra) spangles, her heart will sing sing a linga, wearing bubbles bangles and beads, let her gleam so make somebody dream so that some day I may buy her
They had me, Tony. I was going away for pushing H. How long? 30 to life, I had no choice. How long? How much do they know? A year and a half, no less. A year and a fucking half you been running your own fucking gossip column? Motherfucker! Let me explain. I fed them bullshit. Nothing. Whatcallmallit, disinformation so I could live, keep earning on any subsistence level whatsoever. I will do nothing, Tony, nothing to put you in harm's way, all of yous! That's how they got tipped off about the Bevilaqua hit, huh? 'Cause you did nothing. On my mother's eyes, that wasn't me! (Shuts off radio) little things, pickyoon shit. Be specific. They know about the calling cards. I'm not in that. What else? That's it. That's is, recently. What not recently? I'm thinking. (Boat banging) fucking noise! Where you going? The other shit, none of it amounted to anything. I've been careful, I've got this down. I'm mind-fucking these donkeys like you wouldn't believe. Webistics? Oh, jesus christ. But mostly I talked up the scatino bust-out, nothing federal there to link you, Tony. They need serial numbers. I'm telling you, this disinformation shit is an effective technique, it's a freaking ace! What's the matter with you? It's this fucking swell. I got food poisoning. You don't see me getting all fucked up. Don't yell at me! I'll fucking yell at you, you don't like it?! We got any good tequila? You know that acupuncturist down in puerto rico? 26... Tell you, this broad, her ass was the second coming. Never wore panties. Brushed her teeth with this shit. Every night she'd drink me under the fucking table. And I'd eat her out when I was down there. Hey, puss. Did she even really exist? Fucked up. Not in the face, okay? You give me that? Huh? Keep my eyes? You were like a brother to me. To all of us. Yeah. I'm starting to feel it now too. My inner ear balance is off. What?! Jesus christ. I gotta sit down. I feel like I can't stand. Is that okay, Tony? That I sit? (Gunshots) get the weights. (Boat motor starts)
if I have to sleep on your doorstep all night and day, just to keep you from walking away |
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You're not gonna forget to go to comp world, get the gift? If we gave her the one I could've got it would've had a smaller screen but it would've cost us nothing. Don't snap at me, okay? Don't press your luck with this diarrhea. I can't shake it. Whose fault is that? (Phone) hello. Put anthony on. Don't call here. I am at newark airport. We've been held here since 9:00 this morning. Your mother is still at the airport. Tough shit. Go get anthony, I need a lawyer. I'm in airport security. She's at airport security. I can't do it, I can't call. I don't know what to do. They say that anthony gave me a stolen ticket. They're gonna call the fbi. Here, you better-- I don't know. The fun never stops. What? Anthony, the tickets are stolen. |
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(Doorbell) what the fuck? What did you say? Did you? Ma, I'll send someone down there to pick you up. But I don't know what you're talking about. Okay? Jesus christ. How fuckin g hard is it to get on an airplane? What do you want? Agent harris. Anthony soprano. We have a warrant to search your house, property, and your family vehicle. What are you looking for today, boss? Stolen airline tickets, constituting mail fraud, wire fraud, and any other federal violation. Let's see your warrant. You can also see the tickets. We found them in your suburban. You have the right to remain silent. I bought them, talk to my lawyer. You have the right to an attorney. What, are you a fuckin' parrot? What'd I just say? We're entitled to search the rest of the domicile. Let's go. Upstairs. Michael, over here. Our daughter is graduating high school. You can't wait a few days to persecute him? To persecute us? Jerry, get the door. I'm gonna keep trying, mink, I don't trust that secretary. Oh, my god. Med, it's alright, I'll be home in a couple hours, don't worry. I'm graduating tomorrow! (Male) let's get outta here. What, do you guys need another picture of me for your wallets? Other hand. Tony soprano, weak in the knees, can't stand the heat? I got food poisoning. You think this bothers me, you fuck head? This way. I gotta tell you, frank, I'd forget about any deli trays coming your way in the future. |
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(Knocking) meadow, are you sleeping? Yes. I want to talk to you. God, am I so not going to miss this. You have to understand that your father means well. He's given his life for you, for your brother, for us. All I'm saying, how you reacted downstairs, now you're sitting up here by yourself. I know it was embarrassing for you, but... Anyway, if you ever wanted to talk-- this is who dad is. My friends don't judge me. And fuck them if they do, I'll cut them off. |
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I knew I was giving her a bad ticket. That voice, that voice. It's done, Tony, over. My advice now is to put it behind you. If this is all there is, these 23 tickets, they don't have "bubkes" and they know it. I know it's a small thing, but that's the fucking point. One more minute, if I could've just stood there saying, "yes, ma, okay, ma, I hear you, ma", one more minute, I wouldn't be in this spot. I beat a homicide and now I fucked up, neil. I blew an easy one. I blew everything. Tony. No, we got fuckin' federal charges, we got the faa. Before this is over they're gonna pin that egypt air thing on me and you fucking know it! I got predicates up the ass, fucking rico case. 30 to life. Don't think about that now. You'll make bail. There's no capital crimes. Get on with life. (Reporters yelling) |
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my mother, my fucking goddamn idiot of a mother. You'd think she was never married to johnny soprano. Is there something else bothering you, anthony? That's not enough? Fucking demented, old bat. You're so angry with your mother and the airline tickets. I'm not saying that it's not serious, but a year ago your mother colluded to have you killed, yet you never say "boo" about that, even when I try to elicit. If she tried to have you killed a year ago, believe me, in your childhood, she's inflicted serious psychic injuries that are still there. Poor me. And your father, the gangster, tough guy. Did he protect you kids from borderline mother? What the hell was going on there? What is this? Little snacks for thought for me to take home? I haven't pushed you enough to confront these things. Somewhere along the line, I became frightened of you. Frightened. Maybe I should've seen that clearer in the beginning. Maybe, baby. I'll have you rage, anthony, is a big, loud, flaming, self distraction from feelings that are even more frightening. What feelings might those be? Sadness. You go off on a racist rant about indian food, your demented, old bat of a mother. What else has happened? Nothing. After two years treating you, I've learned things. And I pick up sorrow coming from you. I had a dream I fucked your brains out, right on that desk. You loved it. You threw that at me like a rock. Sadness, anthony, stay with that. Mommy tried to kill you and you gave her airline tickets. Fuck you. And now you're really in trouble. I'm gonna beat this shit, you kidding me? With that... Anthony...
Maybe baby, I'll have you, maybe baby, I'll be true |
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Scott richard Sipronowski. Meadow Mariangela soprano. Jonathan Tiffen. Anthony tomasello. It's fucking graduation day. So I might as well take this opportunity. I'm proposing you to get your button. I fucking deserve it. Got no spleen, gene. Congratulations. Thank you, thank you. Yeah. Oh. What the fuck? That's right, get an education. Excuse us. Carmella sees you, she's gonna cut you a new asshole. I'm leaving. It's great to see your kid graduate, huh? The youth, that's what's important. What we do is small potatoes. And eric, state college, right? He got accepted to georgetown. There's a little money pinch. I heard you and charlene split up. Christine. I'm getting the fuck out of here, I got a job on a ranch out west. What? Don't make me fucking laugh. I lived in new mexico until I was 11, remember? You ever try riding? Uh, no. The airlines are running specials non-stop to nevada, fly right into vegas, half hours drive. You should come hang out. New day. Vegas, huh? Alright, david, take care of yourself. Drive safe.
I'm so proud of you. Sal knew it was today, I told him over and over. He's so self centered. Here you go, sweetheart, gimme that face.
(music) You know that we who take away, we deliver too,24 hours by you, just waiting on a call from you, waiting on a call from you, hell, i'm in the yellow page, you just take a look, look me up under services, you know it's just anbook, baby's just anbook, yeah, it's just anbook, but baby, any minute, any hour, i'm waiting on a call, from you, and you know this heart is constantly, i'm your lover baby through and through, lover, baby, through and through, mm-hmm, ooh, you know that we do take away, but we deliver too, we're24 hours by you, but we're waiting on a call from you, waiting on a call from you, but any minute, baby, any hour, i'm waitin' on a call from you, you know that this heart is constant, i'm your lover, baby, through and through |
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